Practical tips to help you say No positively

Step 1- Make a positive start

Try to be sensitive and positive in your approach right from the start. Try saying something like – “I’d like to help” or “I’d do it if I could” before you say anything else.

Step 2 – Explain the reasons why

Don’t make the assumption the person knows why you’ve decided to say ‘No’- Explain your reasoning; for example – “I’ve thought carefully about it but it’s just not going to be possible this time because if I do this for you now, it’ll mean letting other people down due to other deadlines I have to meet”.

It might help to be even more specific than this, especially if the person asking happens to be your boss – that way they’ll understand the reality of your predicament. If you don’t explain your reasons, there’s a chance you’ll be perceived as being negative – after all, you can’t expect the person to guess why you’re saying ‘No’.

If it’s a request from your boss, there’s another benefit of explaining your reasons for saying ‘No’; if your boss decides to override this and ‘orders’ you to do it, he/she now knows which deadlines you’re going to miss as a result. You can’t be criticised later for this because you clearly explained the implications of you doing it at the beginning.

On the other hand¸ your boss may well say “OK, fine, don’t worry then, I’ll sort it out myself, I didn’t realise how much you had on your plate”. If so, that’s brilliant – you’re in the clear!

Step 3 – Suggest a possible solution

Try to present the person with a possible solution that doesn’t involve you. You might not be able to think of something every time but anything you can suggest that may help the person will be seen in a positive light, for example; “Have you thought about doing this/trying that/asking so-and-so . . .?”

Any positive comments like this should soften the blow and send the message that you care even though you’re actually saying ‘No’.